I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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