not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
