So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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