watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize