go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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