I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Did I show you my penis last night?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
