ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
