You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
