but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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