So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
