so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
it was like eating out sand paper
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
