Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
