U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
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