sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
There r osticjed everywhere
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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