I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
