I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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