I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
