Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
