We named our party play list daddy issues
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Please don't give away my fajitas
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
