walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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