you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
