just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
