he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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