So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
