i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
