very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
