Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
