I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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