you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
