Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
