you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
