Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
