I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I intend to get homeless drunk
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Randomize
