You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just pee around me
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
