I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
