I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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