when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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