Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize