i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
