I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
