I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
