I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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