I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize