Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
