So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She made me pour olive oil on her.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
