big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
