he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
