Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
The air taste purple.
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