paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
