Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Found your dick twin last night
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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