Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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