I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
