i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
