Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
