we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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