I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
