Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
