i already hear my dad disowning me
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
