forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
