For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
