I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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