I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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