I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The beer is more important than you right now.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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