YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
