I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
