Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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