i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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