Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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