Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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