Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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