Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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