So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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