i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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