I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize