Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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