Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
